The Secret Ways Fear Controls You

Dr. Valerie Maxsam, PsyD September 17, 2025

Fear doesn’t always come in the form of trembling hands, racing thoughts, or sleepless nights. Sometimes, fear is far more subtle. It sneaks into our choices, hides behind our words, and disguises itself as wisdom, spirituality, or logic. The truth is, fear can quietly control us without us even realizing it.

Let’s look at six secret ways fear may be showing up in your life — and how you can start exposing it.

1. Fear Disguised as Cautiousness 🚦

Man on a laptop with multiple screens

Caution has its place. It helps us avoid reckless decisions and unnecessary harm. But when caution keeps us locked in endless cycles of calculating, planning, and researching without ever moving forward — that’s fear in disguise.

Think about it: How many dreams, projects, or opportunities have you delayed because you convinced yourself you needed “just a little more time” to plan? At some point, planning becomes procrastination.

🔍 Reflection:

• In what areas of your life have you been “playing it safe” when in reality you’ve been too afraid to take the leap?

• Look around at your family or friends — do you notice anyone who hides behind “being cautious,” but in truth they’re stuck in fear?

  
  

2. “Waiting on God” 🙏

A man standing in front of a door that says enter

This one sounds spiritual, doesn’t it? But sometimes, saying “I’m waiting on God” is actually fear wearing a holy mask. God has already opened doors, sent confirmation, or given you peace about a step forward, yet fear whispers, “Not yet. You need more proof.”

Faith is not passive. The Bible says “faith without works is dead” (James 2:26). That means your faith should be moving — not standing still under the excuse of “waiting.”

🔍 Reflection:

• Be honest: Is there something God already told you to do that you’re still “waiting” to start?

• When you hear others say “I’m waiting on God,” can you discern whether it’s genuine waiting or simply fear in disguise?

  
  

3. Praying About What to Do (Again and Again) 📖

Woman with an open Bible praying

Prayer is powerful. But if you’ve prayed over the same thing repeatedly for months — or even years — and still haven’t taken action, you might be hiding behind prayer.

Of course, prayer is a place of strength and clarity. But at some point, repeated prayer becomes a stall tactic. Fear convinces you that one more prayer will bring a different answer, when in truth, you already know what to do.

🔍 Reflection:

• Is there something you’ve prayed about so many times that it’s clear you’re avoiding action?

• Who in your circle seems “super spiritual,” but may actually be using prayer as an excuse to avoid moving forward?

  
  

4. Waiting for Everything to Line Up ⏳

Man in front of a whiteboard that has a checklist written on it

We tell ourselves, “I’ll start when I have enough money… when I meet the right people… when my schedule clears up.” But the truth is, everything rarely lines up perfectly. If you wait for perfect conditions, you’ll be waiting forever.

God often asks us to take steps of faith without everything in place. Provision and alignment often come after you move, not before.

🔍 Reflection:

• What dream or decision have you delayed because the timing “isn’t right”?

• How many opportunities have you missed because you were waiting for every detail to fall perfectly into place?

  
  

5. Overthinking 🤯

Woman sitting at a messy desk surrounded by books

Overthinking is one of fear’s favorite tools. You polish the plan, revise the idea, tweak the strategy — but you never execute. Fear convinces you that if you think long enough, you’ll reach certainty. The problem is, certainty never comes before action.

The cycle of overthinking drains energy and robs you of momentum. And while you’re busy perfecting your plan, someone else with less preparation is already walking in their purpose.

🔍 Reflection:

• What project or idea have you been “perfecting” for years without moving forward?

• In your family, do you see anyone who’s always dreaming and planning but never actually doing?

  
  

6. Reasoning Yourself Out of It 🧠

Man walking away from a building

Fear loves logic. It whispers things that sound practical: “It’s not the right time.” “You don’t have enough resources.” “What if you fail?” On the surface, these sound reasonable. But often, it’s just fear giving you permission to shrink back.

The reality is, logic without faith leads to paralysis. While reasoning has its place, when it becomes an escape route from risk and obedience, it’s not logic — it’s fear.

🔍 Reflection:

• What excuses have you told yourself that sounded logical, but were really rooted in fear?

• Can you identify anyone in your life who consistently talks themselves out of new opportunities with “reasonable” excuses?

  
  

✅ Final Thoughts

Fear doesn’t always roar like a lion. Sometimes it disguises itself in silence, spirituality, and “common sense.” But once you learn to recognize it, you can refuse to let it control your life.

It’s time to expose the undercover ways fear has been holding you back and step boldly into faith, purpose, and freedom.

Next Blog: Parenting Styles Uncovered: The Good, the Bad, and the Balance

🚀 Ready to Go Deeper?

If this message spoke to you, it’s time to break free from fear completely. My online course, No Fear, will walk you step by step through the very principles we’ve discussed here — with practical exercises, reflection questions, and action steps to help you stop fear in its tracks.

👉 Enroll today and start living with clarity, courage, and confidence.

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